zen_monk: (Default)
 personal life: long story short, I’ll have to write an appeals letter to the office of admission at UCSC. 

Thankfully, it’s because I missed sending documents on time (which is most likely going to happen, stupid collegeboard.org…) and so there’s guidelines in how to appeal for that. And I feel like a good shot, since a lot of things have been invested towards UCSC, like housing confirmation and financial aid, and orientation appointment. 

But there’s always that needling anxiety of having that fail despite it. That somehow spaces for students are gone once my admission has been cancelled/revoked. It’s just.. ugh, a lot of stress and conflict in me and in the house because of my epic fail. 

Basically having my parents unleash their floodgate of resentment towards me and my carelessness and unproductivity. 

But it's making me feel really demotivated to do fan stuff, like putting energy into rp-ing or into FFVII on the pc. I've mostly tried to veg out on the Atelier Totori game on the vita (which is a lot of fun, and time management games tend to make me do things repetitively in some semblance of active mind activity; also, the English dub is better to take in compared to the ~*uber moe*~ Japanese voices). 

zen_monk: (Default)
Feeling pretty miserable about...one thing really, and it's affecting me and my parents' stress levels and all I really wanna do is vegetate and play some games to de-compress while also planning how to unfuck things.

Also, go die in a fire collegeboard.org, or make everything paperless and give forever access to past scores or whatever.
zen_monk: (Default)
Tasks for the day:

1). Make history paper comparing the Progressives and the New Deal people. What is different and what are similar.

2). Read the Hamlet Play: The Adventures of a middle aged man projecting his problems onto everyone.

3). Read "Ghostwritten" to completion and read "Half the Sky" more or less to completion.

4). Write things...
zen_monk: Daffy sulking off (Daffy Stalks off sulking)
 Ya know how it's like you miss one dental appointment and suddenly you start missing more appointments, like essay deadlines and skipping over intended tasks to do for the day because you're damn tired? 

And then in class suddenly it's like feeling as though your teacher is such a force of nature that he does things like, if you're taking a quiz and everyone's got their damn T. S. Eliot out, he goes "whoops, didn't I say that no one should be reading their textbooks" and as we sit there shocked and appalled he then goes "all right guys, turn them in!" and you were so busy looking up those poems that you only answer 2/5 questions? And each quiz is 20 points? 

and then another writing assignment missed? 

Well at least I turned in my degree applications. 

And then today, I found out that at 22 years old, I have moderately higher cholesterol. 

....Can I jump forward to the future where I'm in real college and only have enough money to buy instant oatmeal all the time? 
zen_monk: (Default)
 In which in the end of March I have:
  • Been accepted to Cal Poly Pomona and San Jose University, both as majoring in Philosophy and possibly other minors? 
  • Written possibly around 20K words worth of fanfiction?? Wow.
  • Have overcome my fear of driving on the freeway and am now an autonomous motorist. 
  • Possibly bombed my Comparative World Religion's midterm.
  • ...Also have neglected reading my textbooks.
  • worst school month ever, really.
  • Have fully embraced my PS Vita lifestyle.
  • A lifestyle reflected by playing a loooot of 
  • Final Fantasy IV and is sequel The After Years.
  • Dissidia 012 
  • Declared the best spin-off to have happened is the storyline of Dissidia 012 and has made me want more continuing adventures/sitcom of Lightning, Tifa, Yuna, Kain, Vaan, and Laguna.
  • Especially if it means more Lightning and Laguna interactions where they are the co-leaders of the team of love and peace. 
  • Have also been watching and enjoying the dub of "Tiger and Bunny." 
  • And suddenly my life is obsessing over Liam O'Brien and his deep sexy crazy voice. 
  • As he portrays Kain Highwind and Yuri Petrov. 
  • And now I shall play Final Fantasy XIII-2 just  so I can finally get to playing the story.
  • And for more Liam o'Brien. 
  • And I impose all my Kain Highwind, Tifa Lockhart, Duodecim and Tiger & Bunny feelings unto my online friends.
  • Who in turn make me read Trigun manga and watch its anime so she can explain her amazing fanart. 
My life is online friends, Liam O'Brien, and Tifa Lockhart.... all made by the sacrifice of schoolwork.

Awesome March...?

And finally: Cadbury Eggs are awesome.

zen_monk: (Quelorie Magic)
 But this time I'm getting three AA degrees out of this! English, Philosophy, and Liberal Arts-Humanities. 

Doing lots of stuff that requires the whole transfer shebang, but today is the first day of school- super late, like woah man it's February already?- and I just had an early class with Comparative World Religions and an afternoon class with History of Art- Renaissance to Modern.

My biggest worry was that the World Religions teacher is some bigoted prat, but thankfully he's a swell guy who seems too easily amused with jokes made by other people and by himself. Kinda like a big kid, but his lecture made himself seem broadminded so I felt put at ease. But still, we'll be doing SEVEN RELIGIONS in that class! Starting with the big three Western religions and the final four are the Asian division- he laments the fact that it's basically two classes compiled into one thing in a whole semester so it'll be truncated. Oh well. Still, 8 am classes are a drag. 

Renaissance to Modern art was something that I was prepared to be excited for- because I had in my mind that it'd be like doing film studies only for a non-moving visual media- and it's something that I really like to study on, especially when it's going from Renaissance up to the Modern so it'll cover all those things that made my heart all a-flutter like Romantic period and Impressionistic and Art Deco and so on. But then there will be times when the classes has to do some art? Oh man, I feel unprepared for that. Also, lots of mini field trips around the campus and to things at the art museum- and also one to the Getty museum?? On any other semester I'd be stoked, but I'm doing a class on Friday which is where the Getty museum and other field trips fall on. I get the feeling that Art History would be one of my throwaway classes, but I was hoping for a reason to stay on that would supercede it possibly interfering with another class and also being more work than I was prepared for.

And what the hell, the Art history textbooks would rake me over $200 as used, and also more supplementary stuff for it?? Man, it's looking more unappealing than I want it to be. 
zen_monk: (Default)

Finals are over and winter break has started! Crushing ennui has already descended, as well as rain storms over California coasts. 

I felt like I love whatever energetic steam in October, which really sucked because it’s like I’m placing my misgivings over various things on me losing my job. Objectives that had motivated me became a drag, and so it’s like I spent the last half of the school year just half-awake. Probably literally, too, since half the time I would oversleep a bit because not having to work anymore means more time. But I think that things are going to pick up soon, so I’m just going to relax. 

I’ve finished placing my college transfer applications, which would be going to SF State and SJ State, as well as to UCSB, UCSC and UC Irvine. I’m hoping to be accepted into UCSC and to SF State or SJ State, just pretty much anywhere out of my hometown. So what’s left is getting my scholarships down and also to post my fall grades as soon as they are available. What’s especially life-affirming was that I got an A on my Philosopy writing class (whilst a C in a philosophy history class- LO SIENTO MI MAESTRO!). Awaiting the last class to be graded, and I think it’ll be a good one, so I feel hopeful. It’ll be tough to get to that 3.0 GPA the way I’m going, but I think I’m getting there. 

Fannish things that have happened- I really should be finishing my WIPs that I’ve started and then lost steam over. I have, what, one crossover between FFVII and Tales of Symphonia which would be placed in the FFVII-verse. I still have that DA2 long story with Fenris, in which I would be writing about Anders and then Merrill. It’s supposed to follow Act 1 and be world-building, character-centric stuff. I also got 2 Vincent one-shots, one for personal and another because of another user. 

And I’m hoping to finish this by Saturday, which by then would be the family trip to Hong Kong! 
zen_monk: (It's Mine MIne MIne!)
 So I’ve finished my summer semester learning sociology, so I now understand social activism here on tumblr better and will use my knowledge for the forces of good (though the information revealed was very depressing). 

I believe I finished my final on a high note, and the paper I’m going to turn in is going to be great: IT’S GOING TO BE ABOUT TEXTUAL POACHING. So I will write about a certain fanfiction or a certain fan video or a modified image (including memes, fanart, photo manipulations and so forth), and see why the person who made it and whether it enhances hidden subtext within the original commodity, or if it is a criticism made towards it. 

It will be most fun to write. 

Tomorrow will be my last work day of the summer as a computer tutor, and it will be the last school/work day for two co-workers of mine who will be moving on to their respective four-year universities. I will miss those two Swedish boys of color, as we talked of the absurdities of the world and how fun the world will be. 

zen_monk: Shocked Daffy (Daffy Shocked)
 Sooooooo.... I am now President of Anime Club, Treasurer of Anthropology and Sociology Club, a member of Queer and Ally Club, an absent collaborator of the "A Year Without War" organization, and a student trying to wrack up a 3.0 by the end of the semester. 

My duties:
  • As Anime Club president, I show anime, currently Spring season (which is awesome, by the way), I will be showing movies next week for International Week, starting with "The Girl Who Leapt Through Time."
  • Compile a list of expenditures for Anthro/Sociology Club so that we can get a grant and spend money for club- which involves on-site field trips to archaeological digs. So, camping equipment and gas are on it. As well as plan for fund-raising. By the way, meeting times conflict with class time. I'm such an AWESOME OFFICER.
  • An unenthusiastic Queer and Ally Club has inspired in me feelings of dogged energy not quite well-spent for a nearly all-female cast of Queers of whose activist president is the only one planning and coordinating events. Two of which happens this weekend. BTW: 4/20 IS DAY OF SILENCE. REMEMBER IT. Student march on State Street, and poetry festival on Saturday at school. Night times for both. (Am I ever getting home from downtown??)
  • SO! "A Year Without War" organization. My internship. Right. Gotta do stuff. Like writing about fictional portrayals of warfare and armed conflicts in Anime. DOABLE.
Also working. And schooling. And planning to transfering.

WHy can't I just finish work and school, go home, take a nap, play some Dragon Age, read a bit, and sleep. Like, everyday until May? No plans whatsoever? 

None at all? Fine....

zen_monk: Daffy sulking off (Daffy Stalks off sulking)
Pooh! Turns out I can raise club money to use to spend on Anime Expo 2012 expenses unless my club advisor is there the whole time the club members (me) are there.

Well, she did say that she was thinking of going anyway.... though I think she teaches Japanese during the summer....

My saving grace from paying more bills is hitting a roadblock.
zen_monk: (Cat on dog smiling)
For film studies today, we watched Waltz to Bashir as part of an examination of how the world other than the United States have treated animation in a different way than here, and for the study of Israeli film-making. I remembered being aware of this piece of awesome-sauce when it won the Golden Globe (I think) in 2009 for Best Foreign Language film, and then lost the Oscar to Departures. Having finally watched both.... Waltz to Bashir was fucking snubbed.

I will henceforth call it "WtB," and so what I hadn't known until now about "WtB" was that it's an animated documentary film about how director Ari Folman had a vision of his time during the Sabra and Shatila Massacre, but was unable to confirm what the vision meant since he couldn't remember his campaign in Lebanon as part of the Israeli Defense Forces, nor could he even convince himself which part of it is true and which isn't. So he starts a journey to contact fellow veterans of that campaign of their experiences in the Lebanon War because they were all in Beirut at the same time as he did with the hope that they would provide clues with Folman's vision.

The central theme is that memory is a living thing, and that our mind always fills in the blanks to gaps in our memory to form a whole picture; this ties in to the detective-like nature of Folman's interviews from several people in his unit, as each member of the unit remember their time with the surreal backdrop of their memories, which follows their sensations from the experience more than the clear facts of the event. Folman himself wanted to decipher the meaning of his vision, because he feels strongly that he is somehow an essential part of the massacre, but the elusiveness of his memory blurs sensation and reality when trying to piece together that part of his life story.

One of the telling quotes from the film regarding the theme is this:

“Memory is dynamic, it’s alive.  If some details are missing, memory fills in the holes with things that never happened.”

Another is: "You can draw, but no filming," when Folman asks a comrade to sketch him and his son playing in the snow.

What I got from that film was that this was how it best represents animation as an essential component to providing a narrative voice. What I interpret from it is that animation best represents real-life events greater than any live action filming could ever do in due to the simplicity of the work and how it oftentimes presents difficult themes in a manner that's easy to translate. Although most of the film is told by the flashbacks of different people, those events are animated and directed in a way to recapture the feelings of the person telling the story and how they perceive their lot in the war. The film is visceral and large in interpretation as the audience also has to piece together fact and possible fiction from the stories that each soldier tells in their experience in the war.

zen_monk: Scheming gleefully Daffy (Daffy Rubbing hands)
Since it has just now come to my attention that a former high school associate of mine is keeping the practice of blogging everyday (this is his day 2) as well as having published a Kids' book for Disney, I have resolved myself to not slack off and improve myself by writing something everyday. On here. Or on my word processor.

What I did for Presidents' Day Weekend:
  • Read philosophy textbook. That Alexander of Aphrodisias really needs to learn how to be brief, but alas, it seems as though you really do need more words to clarify what you mean. 
  • Read other people's blogs. I'm looking up on other people's opinions on "The Walking Dead," "Downton Abbey," and "Project Runway: All Stars." I also read the comments, by extension, and am either educated on things I don't know or seethe in rage silently before going to another webpage to distract myself.
  • Look at videos from "The Nostalgia Chick" and stuff from "That Guy With the Glasses."
  • Catching up on things that the internet likes. And turn my nose at them because they're so established, they're no longer cool.
  • Really shouldn't be on the internet that much because I have two writing assignments due this week. One about Philosophy, and other about "Gomorra" the movie.
  • Emailing my second cousin from China and commiserate over how we envy other people and their achievements.
  • Looking at people's Tumblrs and contemplating whether to join.
  • Playing Harvest Moon: A Tale of Two Towns. It's not that great, but I can't seem to not play it...
  • Hung out with a friend last night at where the college people live and meet. Rebuffed his advice on playing "League of Legends" on the PC.
  • Had to listen to him mug on me on how I don't manage time and that I should play more games. And then fooled around with my iPad.
But I WILL make myself productive. I have... a PLAN.

zen_monk: (Default)
So it's Wednesday of my first week back in school. Happy Chinese New Year, it's the year of the Dragon so it's Bruce Lee day everyday.

School first impressions:


- Anthro teacher, glad to see you dandified up for that one rainy day by cosplaying as a Sherlock Holmes extra and NO NO NO! Why YOU SHAVE MUSTACHE AWAY? NOOOOOOOOOO!

- Trryyyyyyying to shrink away from Philosophy teacher whom I'm retaking a class with cuz he and I both know that I sucked at his classes... and I've had this guy as a teacher for a lot of of my philosophy classes for, oh shit, it'll be TWO AND A HALF YEARS now.


And I'm going to watch "THE ARTIST!" and a lot of other movies to learn.  

This semester is going to be awesome.
zen_monk: (Default)

Soooooo, second week of 2012 reexamines the lifestyle of the slovenly college kid: sleep in, wake up late, sleep late, eat late, modding computer games and then figuring out how to not make your computer games crash all the time, and occasionally being productive.

I gotta get out of here.

But starting tomorrow, I will be on campus to finish my work forms that I should have done in December, meet up with my Academic Advisor and then be so productive that I'll be proud of myself! Productiveness includes getting my Driver's permit and relearning how to drive so I can get my license, and reading my textbooks.

Speaking of my textbooks, I'm pretty excited about my Cultural Comparison anthropology class. Judging by what I'll be reading, I'll be comparing Vikings and Japan.

I imagine that it'll be like this:

But not in a specifically Scottish flavor.

I've also saved a lot of money on textbooks this year, as I've spent about $60 for it and for about 4 classes. It's great to occasional save your textbooks that you like, because you never know when you'll repeat your class, eh? EH? (Ugh.....) It also helps that one of my classes doesn't require a textbook and that a lot of things are cheap online.


Dec. 18th, 2011 05:56 pm
zen_monk: (Default)
Sunday. A whole of week of non-school activity is gone. Normally it would have been spent agonizing over textbooks and then giving up and then consoling myself over the internet or on games. Now that deadlines are out the window, the possibilities are endless. Will I actually start doing my Super Big Ultra Important Fandom-Shattering Fanfic? Or wallop around in Dragon Age? Actually play the games I bought over the year with money I sort of have? Hook up with friends? Restore old friendships?

Oh vacation time. It was so much more simpler when I was in another country where I don't speak the language. Actually no. It sucks to be mistaken for being some local who knows the language and then flummoxing people when you don't and then hear them berate you for it.

Today I saw my little brother play Vivaldi on the cello with the Youth Virtuosi in the Music and Arts Conservatory, and the talent pool in the strings department there is really impressive considering the age group. I invited my highschool friend to see it with me, and given that he plays violin he was also very impressed over how well the kids played. He says there was no scratchiness at all, and in retrospect I guess that's what I was looking for in young musicians and to hear that there really wasn't showed how they exceeded expectations.

Unlike other times in the past, I haven't really been that excited over meeting up with my old friends in high school. Maybe I grew out of it. Most likely, it's because I don't like to talk about what I've been doing while I know that they're doing Big Things in their colleges and getting ready to get their degrees. It's hard to talk about that when I know that all I've been doing is flailing around. 

I should use this holiday time to prep myself up for the spring.
zen_monk: (Default)
Finished my finals and am glad that they're good and buried. I got a guaranteed A on my Psych class, which is supremely awesome given my track record. The rest.... not awesome. Oh well, it is what it is and I'm determined to redeem myself in the Spring. The steps I'll take to ensure that I do so would be to re-study all that I've learned. Consistently, and it'll help to have a lot of time on my hands.


Dear Fenris, )
zen_monk: (Default)
It's kind of amazing how, when watching anime that's made about 10 years ago, that particularly good ones can stand to the test of time as still being a visual feat, even in an age where it's computers and 3D are commonplace. I'm currently watching Last Exile on my PS2 and monitor so that I can make a good comparison to the current Last Exile: Fam of the Silver Wing, so it's pretty cool to see how the old compares with the new. I wonder if it's a testament of the old to match the current series quality.... or that the current series quality is not that mind-blowing technically than its contemporaries. Oh well. Still entertaining.

In other news, I should remind myself to hastily finish my tasks for my Philosophy internship, and it should be fairly simple to do in the last two months because all I'm doing is archiving Anime that has significant themes of war and its consequences. I'm doing this so that I can make content for a website that's going to come up very very VERY VERY soon called The Center for Philosophical Education and the current theme of the website is to assemble thoughtful contributions regarding war and peace, and how it will educate people into supporting the upcoming 2020: Year Without War, which is sanctioned by the United Nations to ACTUALLY HAPPEN.

Realistically, I don't have high expectations for it to actually happen, buuuuut there's no harm in making effort to have it happen.

And that's what I should be cramming to do today, along with my MANY ESSAYS that are overdue!

I should be better than this.

(PS, normally I would like SoCal to be raining... but now everything feels damp.)

zen_monk: (Cat on dog smiling)
Hey future self,

Today, the psych teacher was cool enough to award an extra two points to the test because of ambiguity on a question.

So that means the total score is 90. And the score is also applied to your first test, making another 90, because of that silly snafu last month.

That's means your cumulative score is 92.5, an A, on this class.

Keep doing what you're supposed to do!

(Also, do better on your Critical Thinking and Writing, you lazy dip. Don't be satisfied with a 72! If you haven't fucked up on 4 simple True/False questions, it would've been 80).

Nowhere to go but up!


Current self
zen_monk: Tiana shrug (shrug)
For posterity:

My classes are currently Psychology 101, History of Modern Philosophy, Critical Thinking and Writing (also a philosophy class), Life Fitness, Philosophy Internship and Topics in Literature,Honors.

A month has gone by since I've started Fall semester and I'm pretty much down with the first three. Psych, I wanna love you, I really do. But I never expected to experience subtle hostility that may be enhanced because I have to wake up at 6 am for this. Modern Philosophy and Critical Thinking, it's not you; it's my classmates. Why do they sometimes ask irrelevant questions that slow down the lecture; granted some of them were insightful but then they thwart their own efforts in learning by then saying something completely not-on-topic.

And I really should get down on those internship duties. I really, really should.

Perhaps I've been having negative thoughts because of my own shortcomings. Perhaps I judged too quickly on people without looking at myself in comparison. After all, I really wanted to be on top of this semester and do well. In fact, better than well: I want some goddamn A's. I want to my GPA to be 3.0. I want to transfer the hell out of Santa Barbara.

But good news! It's been recently declared that Santa Barbara City College is in the Top Ten Community Colleges of the country for the Aspen Institute College Excellence Program and is eligible to compete for the $1 million in prize fund from the White House. The winner is determined by how well the students learned, the programs they've completed on time, and the how well they did in the job market after graduating.

Details are listed here

zen_monk: Sad Perdy (Sad Perdy)
Specifically, Psychology 101.

I just thought this would be a nice class. Material I'm interested in, involved teacher, easily understood homework in the sense I have a good sense of how to do well on the homework as well as on the tests. I thought I could sleepily go through the class while offering my own two cents here and there and then a lot of reading. And I say sleepily because it's an 8 AM class.

What I never EXPECTED to happen was:

1). First and foremost, actually develop triggers, and I blame isolated incidents involving being the unwitted scapegoat over the faults of other classmates. It's only two occasions: one involving someone who may or may not be mocking me coincidentally, and the other being accused of having an active cell phone during TEST TIME when it was actually the shithead next me.

Edit: I probably haven't clarified what these triggers are, though I do believe them to be so: suspected mockery in classroom, and sudden injustice placed upon me. Ah screw it, I should have just said that I became paranoid and self-absorbed.

2). Getting the impression that the teacher thinks I'm the PROBLEM CHILD of the class. I can see many reasons why she would think that: I'm tired in class, so I get sleepy and that shouldn't be a reason because the rest of the class is sleepy. However, when I'm tired I look like a pissed off wet cat. I probably come off as a mean person without saying anything. However, it really was because of that first test, and my god did I have this massive freak-out after that test.

I'm actually so upset with that first test, that if I try to recall it and I can even tell that if I try to recall it in the future, I will be tremendously upset and weepy. The email back from the teacher (whom I would still say is a reasonable lady), made a return of all those black, dark, evil and upsetting feelings that had welled up inside me like an infection.

I hate you Psychology class, and for the wrong reasons.

March 2017



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