End of March

[zen_monk]

 In which in the end of March I have:

• Been accepted to Cal Poly Pomona and San Jose University, both as majoring in Philosophy and possibly other minors? 
• Written possibly around 20K words worth of fanfiction?? Wow.
• Have overcome my fear of driving on the freeway and am now an autonomous motorist. 
• Possibly bombed my Comparative World Religion's midterm.
• ...Also have neglected reading my textbooks.
• worst school month ever, really.
• Have fully embraced my PS Vita lifestyle.
• A lifestyle reflected by playing a loooot of 
• Final Fantasy IV and is sequel The After Years.
• Dissidia 012 
• Declared the best spin-off to have happened is the storyline of Dissidia 012 and has made me want more continuing adventures/sitcom of Lightning, Tifa, Yuna, Kain, Vaan, and Laguna.
• Especially if it means more Lightning and Laguna interactions where they are the co-leaders of the team of love and peace. 
• Have also been watching and enjoying the dub of "Tiger and Bunny." 
• And suddenly my life is obsessing over Liam O'Brien and his deep sexy crazy voice. 
• As he portrays Kain Highwind and Yuri Petrov. 
• And now I shall play Final Fantasy XIII-2 just  so I can finally get to playing the story.
• And for more Liam o'Brien. 
• And I impose all my Kain Highwind, Tifa Lockhart, Duodecim and Tiger & Bunny feelings unto my online friends.
• Who in turn make me read Trigun manga and watch its anime so she can explain her amazing fanart. 

My life is online friends, Liam O'Brien, and Tifa Lockhart.... all made by the sacrifice of schoolwork.

Awesome March...?

And finally: Cadbury Eggs are awesome.

Comments

[novel_machinist]

You are more than welcome to share those feels with me (particularly Tifa XD)

[zen_monk]

(OKAY SO LET ME TALK TO YOU ABOUT TIFA, PARTICULARLY ABOUT HOW IT'S POSSIBLY SYMBOLIC THAT SHE'S PAIRED WITH ULTIMECIA IN DUODECIM AND HOW IT HAS NOW BEEN MY FORMING HEADCANON THAT ULTIMECIA WAS ONCE A YOUNG WOMAN LIKE TIFA.)

You've let open a floodgate of impossible motivations!

[novel_machinist]

OH MY GOD HI CAN WE TALK ABOUT EPIC CRACK AND TIME KOMPRESSION????

So, hi. I think Ulti totes ate her Knight and that's why she went cray. And she was probably like Tifa a lot. Just instead of kicking ass, taking names, and telling heroes to get it together, she went cray.

And now the cray just infects everything.

ALSO Tifa/Laguna....

[zen_monk]

(Excuse me, but Tifa/Laguna is just too glorious to sustain itself as it is perfections??)

So like, I was thinking like why it strikes me as interesting that Ultimecia is paired with Tifa in Duodecim, so I started to pay attention to how she interacts with Tifa in order to be like, to see if it's also a reflection on Ultimecia's own history.

Like, aside from typical villain posturing, she challenges Tifa on who she trusts and also on what kind challenges that Tifa decides to do for herself. She calls her a "curious girl" and a "poor child" upon eventually revealing of Kain's backstabbing role. Planting seeds of distrust that would strangle her confidence, if you will.

And it's like, man, I wonder if sometime in Ultimecia's life that she once trusted in people only to be betrayed? In what ways was Ultimecia disappointed in her own curiosities? Did doing so do more than just killed the cat? (ULTIMECIA PROBABLY HAD A CAT, LIKE A GOOD WITCH).

And after I calmed down my swooning over Kain's dashing entrance to save Tifa, I can't help but love the dig at him being the "knight in shining armor" because WELL WELL I WONDER WHICH OTHER GAME HAS KNIGHTS AS A THEME? And Kain is constantly mocked for being the traitorous knight in Duodecim, so it's like HMM HAVING ULTIMECIA PUTTING IT OUT THERE FOR TIFA TO BE ALL LIKE "Oh honey, I'm going to give you the harsh truth about dashing men: THEY BETRAY YOU HARD."

Also, compare the appearances of Ultimecia: her appearance, so carefully crafted and purposefully vampy, in which her sensuality looks so weaponized and artificial. Tifa, herself excelling in her peak physicality and vibrancy of spirit. The former so decadent with the feathers and the painted face, almost like its own armor that was forcibly put on her which also reflects the absurd romanticism of her castle and yearning for the past in which her childhood was most happy. Herself a visual shorthand for the forceful maturing of girls most often against their own will but are done so whether to survive the cruelty of reality's expectations of women, itself a self-fulfilling prophecy and can also be compared to with the examples of Quistis and Rinoa and Ellone.

You also see Tifa, and knowing her history where she was also thrust into the dangerous harsh world from the tragedy of the loss of her hometown, itself the painful breakage of innocence and time gone past. In the mysterious interim of time which Square Enix didn't bother to elaborate because they can't utilize good ideas, she spent the five yeras in Midgar angry and sad and grieving, wishing for vengeance and of just punishments which she uses to hone her fists. She herself encompasses all the desirable womanly traits, which y'know in real life meta-wise, most likely gives her unwarranted and negative attention and misconceptions.

But y'know, Tifa strikes me as someone who really owns her body, in the way that won't be used against her because of other people or of being pressured into shifting her body into something else. I strongly feel that because she uses herself as a weapon, she understands what makes her tick and how to be so comfortable in her own presence that she knows all the advantages she can make up with it. And I think that it's something that Ultimecia probably lacks, in which her appearance is so artificial and controlled, and she curses her inborn abilities as a sorceress which ostracizes and whose power even traps her into a realm of her own making.

I HAVE FEELINGS ABOUT THIS.

MY FEMINIST CRACKTHEORY LET ME SHOW YOU IT

[novel_machinist]

OH MY GOD I KNOW! I got this whole "I'm trying to protect you, but I'm doing it CREEPILY" vibe from her. She wanted to maybe in part manipulate her, but mostly for "her own good". Though Tifa's a woman who prettymuch knows her own good by now. She's quiet, yes, but I wouldn't call her a pushover, particularly after the compilation events.

I'm a martial artist myself, I fought competitively. And teaching yourself to respect your body is a core tenant in fighting arts. Not only that, but Tifa's not a slight woman, she's a woman with a powerfully built body. One of the things I have ADORED about the higher def versions of her is that they kept her busty but gave her hips. She WALKS like a woman with hips.

There is nothing WRONG with a woman being slight of frame, mind you. And it's not to say that those women are not women, because they are. But women with "full" figures have a different set of issues and problems than our slighter counterparts. I could never hide my hips, I can't hide my chest. My body is very-much obviously female and I get attention because of it both positive and negative.

To think that a woman came from Tifa's childhood without someone recognizing her body is really impossible to me. But she's in control of it. There's no need to overstate it or understate it. And I think that's where Ulti is lacking.

She may have not had proper attention to her femininity. She may have had her Knight use it against her. And when she killed them (him or her or other) she in turn, realized that her sexuality could be a weapon. She puts it up and on show because 1) It protects her, it keeps people at a distance, war paint, if you will and 2) It gives her a tool to manipulate with.

Re: MY FEMINIST CRACKTHEORY LET ME SHOW YOU IT

[zen_monk]

OH MAN. Having Ultimecia doing that whole "I'm saying this as a roundabout way to show you that it's for your own good and that we are of like-mind and like-experiences and if you COME UNDER THE BLACK DOWNY FOLDS OF MY WINGS I shall lead you on to becoming a woman of fearsome power and control!!!"

It's this whole Mother-living-out-life via daughter thing mixed with sensual villainy and bitter memories!

(I'm actually more pleased that when Tifa runs, she runs LIKE A DAMN POWER SPRINTER GOING AFTER THE GOAL). And nah, I totally get ya! Tifa's model, which I and another like-minded-Tifa-loving fangirl compare with other females models in the game because she's an artist and I'm a writer, and we're like "yeah, while there's not much in terms of 'actual' variation, you can tell she has powerful thighs and some broad shoulders to match her strenght?" (or we could be kidding ourselves- but them thighs ain't wrong). It's just that... when I see Tifa who is totally in control of the most basic of ownership, which is her bod, and able to utilize herself to the fullest potential of her physicality coupled with Kung Fu chi-power madness, it's something I totally connect with because owning your own biology is one of those things that isn't easily acquired!

Also, I am totally liking the actual idea of Ultimecia HAVING EATEN her Knight as a way of slaying him. I DO NOT SEE IT AS SOME OUT-THERE CRAY; THAT'S SOME DAMN WICKED WITCH-NESS RIGHT THERE. Ultimecia would, like, I dunno, kill him while preserving his corpse, and in a PERSERVE SCENARIO be seated at the extravagant dinner table eating HIS HEART and that DUDE'S BODY would be seated opposite her AND SHE WOULD CONVERSE WITH THE BODY LIKE IT WAS A NORMAL DAY.

I have dark thoughts.

Because Ultimecia has this graaaaand and ~romantic~ castle to the point of being obscene, and it's a perverse exaggeration of how Tifa also holds some romantic and fairy tale fantasies for herself...except that fantasy became the cruelest reality to Ultimecia and so she turns it into a THEATER OF HER LIFE as a way to manage her circumstances and cope with what must have been done to her.

[novel_machinist]

1) Tifa would be hot as fuck as a sorceress...may have to find a way to cosplay that.

But Ulti so IS that. It's romance and taboo and production all to probably mask that life was not very kind to her at all. And instead of taking that and moving on, she internalized it and became the way she is to protect herself. Though as threats got bigger (or she IMAGINED they did), she had to get bigger.

YES Her animation is amazing. It's like "No, actually I don't prance and I don't flap my arms when I run. I'm getting there. AND WHEN I GET THERE I AM GOING TO FUCK YOUR WORLD UP" I really just love her all around because she's strong and a strong character. She's quiet, she considers, but she's got a breaking point. She managed to fuck up, she did her best to fix it.

And I really think that maybe that USE of their power is the difference. The world was shitty to Tifa, shitty enough that she became a terrorist for crying out loud. But she worked her body toned herself, trained, and when the time came to step up, she did it. Ulti trained in her magic (I don't imagine it any easier than a prize fighter) but when the time came to show her power she reacted in defense, not offense. And Tifa took the time to go punch god in the face.

HI DO YOU EVEN KNOW HOW MORBID I AM. That's the single most accurate image I've ever read.

[zen_monk]

AND LIKE ONE MORE THING:

I also have this morbid plot thing where Ultimecia is capable of making smaller dimensional pockets of time where she can entrap people in there and HAVE THEM PERFORM SOME SORT OF SCRIPTED WORLD SO SHE CAN WATCH THEM LIKE IT'S THE DAMN WORLD THEATER IN ENGLAND?

Like, entrap Tifa and Kain into some pocket dimension outside of time and she'll make them perform tasks and be all like "So here you are, a failed knight and a dreaming lass, and here I am fulfilling all your fantasies. Play your parts to your hearts content or until you start to hate each other and kill out of spite. Don't worry; I'll be the only one to witness your deeds, so PERFORM YOUR DESIRED ROLES, DREAMING CHILDREN.

"I'll tell no one about what has transpired."

Because if Seifer is going around and trying to live up to his dream of being a Sorceress Knight because of A MOVIE THAT LAGUNA WAS IN, and went and told Squall to "this is the scene where you swear your undying hatred to me!"

Then Ultimecia is gonna put real life people into a constructed THEATER OF REALITY and make them perform roles like she's watching LITERAL REALITY TV.

[sathari]

Like, entrap Tifa and Kain into some pocket dimension outside of time and she'll make them perform tasks and be all like "So here you are, a failed knight and a dreaming lass, and here I am fulfilling all your fantasies. Play your parts to your hearts content or until you start to hate each other and kill out of spite. Don't worry; I'll be the only one to witness your deeds, so PERFORM YOUR DESIRED ROLES, DREAMING CHILDREN.

"I'll tell no one about what has trans

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF I WANT THIS FIC LIKE NOW OMG OMG OMG. HELP I'M DROWNING IN HOW MUCH I WANT THIS FIC.

Hi just came in to say that, I am sure I will have more thoughts on this thread but i nthe meantime OMG I WANT THIS FIC.

[zen_monk]

One of the things about Ultimecia is how she is so entrapped into her designated fate- from how she is born a sorceress and most likely have power thrust upon her unwillingly, to her self-fulfilling prophecy of her death by the hands of Squall... which eventually started again when she transferred her powers in the past to Edea. She is soooo doomed to her circumstances where it's like she'll always lose agency in the end. And this contrasts so nicely with people like Squall and Tifa, who use their circumstances and their difficult pasts in order to change the future. It could be that the trappings of power and all that entails is the reason why Ultimecia became as she was, but it's like her life is on a permanent loop where it begins where it ends again through Squall and Edea. It's kinda like its own version of Time Compression, where it's a self-contained episode of her life which spans a looooong time. Perhaps she realizes this and decides that if her life is a limited series of episodes that repeats, she's going to spend it on the one time she was happy, which was during her childhood.

I can so imagine how the few people in her own social circle also betray her for their own ends. Because I think during her time, anybody who's a sorceress can be treated with great suspicion, since that's the goal of SEED in the future? Like, instead of protection it's persecution? Whoever Ultimecia had trusted and enjoyed in her childhood had been either lost or eventually left her, and it would include whoever volunteered to be her knight. Each leaving would make her cling more to the people she had left but also with the deep and growing suspicion that they would use her. And they WOULD, and maybe at some point she tries to go along with it, because it's making her USEFUL and trying to not BE ALL EVIL like everyone said she could be and warned people with about her. But then she'll get so very tired about how she has to put on a costume and a mask for other people and finally kills and eats everyone and makes this giant childish castle to comfort herself in all that she has gained.

And Tifa is so stubborn in her own way, so that she doesn't let people change her! Obviously, she would change because of very extreme circumstances, but she doesn't lose her sense of self and I thought that's sooo over the head of a lot of people who has misconceptions about Tifa. She values and finds strength in her own social circles and in her community, as is wont of such small towns like Nibelheim, and it's not like she'll bend over backwards for people just to maintain that support. I mean, look at how she's all

"Kain, you better not be pulling that self-deprecating traitor dialogue while you're almost face-planted on the floor hurting! Have a damn potion, you dimwit, and don't go around speaking as though you know what kind of person I am."

(Also, in case you don't know, I'm currently obsessed with Kain and Tifa going on and having tortured affairs).

And when it's like Kain was all going on about how they're in a repeating cycle where they'll fight endlessly so about how about going to sleep Tifa so you can get that crystal yes? And she's like "Nope, I'mma go and slay a bunch of manikins and probably go die in the process. But that's alright because I want to make protect everyone who's left (because of Kain, because yeesh man for all Tifa knew, she and her may be the only people left in the battle so might as well protect their knocked out bodies). And also I want to keep you safe because you're so beat up in body and soul, so let me lend you my body and soul into fulfilling our promises to help everyone, all right?"

(And dude, what is with Kain's dialogue? Was he about to propose having Tifa go to sleep too after his exposition? Because he sounded pretty shocked when Tifa was like "I'm going with you too" and I'm like "wow, why so surprised man? That she wouldn't believe you or that she ain't going to let you knock her out in a glorious, honest to god, face-to-face battle sex?")

(Stupid sexy Kain and his Liam o'brien voice and long locks of flaxen hair and purple eyes, you stupid marty stu of male beauty. Make babies with Tifa, goddamit).

*sobs* Duodecim produces the best out of Tifa and Kain and Vaan and Laguna and everyone, all right? It's the direct inverse of the first Dissidia, where all the heroes are focused on their inner black hole of Man Pain.

[novel_machinist]

I totally want to like leave you a novel. So it will have to wait till Saturdayish. OH MY GOD THIS IS yes. We talk, words.