Zen Crib Notes

Sunday. A whole of week of non-school activity is gone. Normally it would have been spent agonizing over textbooks and then giving up and then consoling myself over the internet or on games. Now that deadlines are out the window, the possibilities are endless. Will I actually start doing my Super Big Ultra Important Fandom-Shattering Fanfic? Or wallop around in Dragon Age? Actually play the games I bought over the year with money I sort of have? Hook up with friends? Restore old friendships?

Oh vacation time. It was so much more simpler when I was in another country where I don't speak the language. Actually no. It sucks to be mistaken for being some local who knows the language and then flummoxing people when you don't and then hear them berate you for it.

Today I saw my little brother play Vivaldi on the cello with the Youth Virtuosi in the Music and Arts Conservatory, and the talent pool in the strings department there is really impressive considering the age group. I invited my highschool friend to see it with me, and given that he plays violin he was also very impressed over how well the kids played. He says there was no scratchiness at all, and in retrospect I guess that's what I was looking for in young musicians and to hear that there really wasn't showed how they exceeded expectations.

Unlike other times in the past, I haven't really been that excited over meeting up with my old friends in high school. Maybe I grew out of it. Most likely, it's because I don't like to talk about what I've been doing while I know that they're doing Big Things in their colleges and getting ready to get their degrees. It's hard to talk about that when I know that all I've been doing is flailing around. 

I should use this holiday time to prep myself up for the spring.

So... Math is not doing so well. Kind of bombed my first midterm. I'm getting Senior year deja vous all over again... I probably misspelled deja vous, too...  Ugh...

So I've fallen into routine.

Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, I sleep in until I have to get up for the bus at around 10:00 am. Bus arrives at 10:48 approximately and I get to school at around 11:05 which gives me five minutes to walk to my math class. Pre-calc taught by a Wisconsin teacher, kind of interesting. I only have math class during these days, as I'd prefer to leave it for fun. Though I might have to change my schedule or something for work hours or whatever. Since I do work in the mornings on the rest of the weekdays and I don't really enjoy that. I also get quizzes every Monday, which I may or may not prepare for. Speaking of which, I now realize I have to do more math.

Tuesday and Thursday, I try to get up before 9:00 so that I could go to work at around 9:00 am. Work two hours then bike back home for breakfast and speedy pedaling to bus stop. Kind of not enjoying those days.... I work at this health food publishing house place that's really close to home which also, apparently sells its own health food, like apple cider vinegar and olive oil. I work down at the warehouse processing the packages going to who-knows-where, and I always work with this one other guy, this old dude named Mark, and while he's an interesting guy... I kinda got really tired of being around him. And it shows too, since nowadays I just seem to brush him off and not pay too much attention to him and just wish that work would speed by really fast. Which is VERY RUDE, but I can't seem to get myself motivated to be more than just polite to him. Or talk more to him. I'm really considering changing where I should work. But since I only work a couple of hours a week, which I hope will change soon, and it's still part-time... I don't know... I'll try, though.

Weekends are my lifeline. They keep me sane.

I'm also sending letters to my friends who's out-of-state in college, which I think is nice. It's kind of therapeutic to write on paper than just email. So far I'm only sending letters to... two people... but maybe it'll change to more people further down the line. That means I have to pay for my own postage stamps, don't I?

But you know, sometimes I wonder if this is how it's going to be all semester: like just school and work. I work two jobs, one in the morning and one sporadically at night since I work at Cold Stone Creamery. I try to maintain good grades in three classes: Pre-calc, Japanese 101, and Film Studies. Two of these I really like, but I realized that I don't NEED to take the Pre-calc class to fulfill my math requirement. I actually need Statistics for Biology or Psychology purposes for my major. Apparently I just went down the math path for aspiring engineers and physicists. :/

Then I go home to relax on the computer or meet up with one or two friends to hang out and talk about nothing. That's all I do: School, Work, Socialize sporadically.

I'm busy and yet I'm not busy. I really feel like, "Hey, maybe I should join a club or something" but it always feel like so much work to me and I just want to maybe crash a club like I did in high school instead of going to the Student Life office to file my membership to a club. And I really feel like I'm not even trying to make friends at college. I don't know what's wrong with me. Am I, like, a loner by nature? Like I don't know how to make new friends or something? It kind of worries me a little because I don't really want to go through college looking forward to lengthy breaks so that I could meet up with my other buddies who've gone elsewhere for their higher learning.

Wow, this is my first rant at LJ. Kind of a big milestone for me.